Raising Lovers
Photo credit: Kelvin Octa
I am 50% Filipino and the other half of the bloodline is a traveling blend of Middle-East and Northern Asia so no one can ever identify my ethnicity beyond “brown.” As a result, in my life I have taken racist hits from a great many ethnicity groups, it’s not just white people. Comical and dark, I know, but as far as coping mechanisms go, this mechanism is not hurting anyone (just making people often wildly uncomfortable).
I spoke to a girlfriend of mine, Jenny Capuozzo, who lives in New York and works in the City (capitalized appropriately. IYKYK). Though we share the title of Asian, her Chinese face makes her more susceptible to being shoved in front of a moving train. Working remotely has become critical for her beyond a pandemic. For anyone who is out of the loop on this, racism is so deep and so complicated.
Jenny pointed out the value of Black Lives Matter and police accountability efforts, but we also have hate against Asians who could use protection by a greater police presence. This is complicated. If only there were a solution serving as the panacea to end all of these issues.
Sitting in my sadness of racism in this world, my mind was churning with thoughts of ‘what can be done.’ The wisdom bomb she dropped next struck me so hard, “300 years later and it’s still about [racism], we need to all bring up a generation that celebrates everyone.” Her comment grounded me in remembering I have a duty available right in front of me. Motherhood.
Caught in the whirlwind of elementary school aged children as a single mom (yes, this is me doling out excuses like free sub sandwiches wishing for your sympathy) I am so concentrated in making sure they are clean, with manicured nails, brushed hair and teeth, properly dressed for the weather, being fair, not running in grocery stores or writing on the furniture with sharpies. I want to make sure they cultivate a love for learning, stand up for themselves and others with a sensitivity for kindness and tolerance; lean in to their natural talents while also learning that some things need to get done even if you don’t enjoy it; eat balanced meals and understand the impact of great sleep. When I stopped to think about the percentage of my efforts, I discovered that my efforts were in a priority order…and not in the order I would prefer. Sharpies on furniture for one, though obnoxious, is absolutely not more important than exercising empathy. The ceasing of the sharpie art may even stop with the application of empathy.
Taking it back to Jenny’s point that we ought to raise a generation that celebrates everyone caused me to pause in my thoughts again for a deeper dive. It really is not just empathy. It is the ability to not only feel another person’s feelings, but to also discover the beauty of what the other person brings to humanity, to culture, to each other’s lives, to business, to the expansion of our own world-view, to idea generating and honor them for it.
We need a generation that understands more than we do how to treat one another with honor, respect and dignity. Imagine a world where the acceptance and honoring of fellow people, regardless of physical features was the norm. Imagine a world where we don’t need these conversations of anti-hate, where we don’t need feminists, where we don’t need LGBTQ movements because the love and respect is normal. I dream for that world. But not the way Alice in Wonderland dreams. I mean with vision, with fervor and intention. Our existence in the world even if we are not a parent, or a guardian, a caregiver, a teacher, a mentor or a leader, we all have the responsibility to watch how we talk and behave because this is our influence and our legacy. What is a grander legacy than to shape the world we wish we lived in by bringing up a generation that celebrates everyone.
